Sunday, April 13, 2008

Gathering Glindas (or Do the Evolution)

I've been reading up recently about the "personality thief" that is motherhood. Which phrase, truth be told, sums up all my worst fears about that most noble, life-sucking calling.

As I stand on the precipice overlooking the Oz-like city that is Munchkinland, I start to worry about the Bandit of Selfdom that stands as border patrol, guarding the entrance and setting the price of admission staggeringly high: "one soul, please".

In the meantime, we've engaged in a lot of talking - the hub and I. And I've been consulting travel guides for the arduous journey. I'm trying to plan for it, like I'm wont to do, and I'm reading books like What No One Tells the Mom and Love Works Like This. On the road to Oz, even Dorothy traveled with a posse. True, they were all men. But aren't our husbands often Toto, the Cowardly Lion, the Tin Man, the Scarecrow, and the Great and Powerful Oz all rolled into one?

I'm very grateful to have my "man posse". But in the closet of my mind, I fear it may not be enough. After all, there aren't likely to be any ruby slippers I can click together three times to resuscitate the likeness of my former life or get back to my "no place like home"; and even the Great and Powerful Oz can't resurrect the younger, in some ways better, versions of me (not to mention he may, in the face of such a daunting task, look and act more like the Cowardly Lion, dancing in lock-step, dukes raised, and chanting the refrain "put 'em up, put 'em up"!).

A couple of months ago I recall very distinctly saying to my sister "I just don't get Girl's Night Out. I'd rather be with hub." She assured me, absent a shaming tsk tsk but I'm sure with an inner knowing and shaking of her head, that I someday would understand. I've never been the girl's girl, never played well with others. Like Dorothy, I've traveled mostly in groups of guys.

But I'm quickly discovering the urgency of having Glindas in your life. Those good female souls who help you through the rough patches, rejoice in your triumphs, and do all those other wonderful life-saving things good girlfriends do. I'm just glad I found this out now - proof positive that sometimes preparation is key.

So, I'm gathering Glindas. More precisely, I'm reveling in the comfort and comradery of other women. It's only in this good, supportive company that it feels safe enough to let go of version 2.3 of myself and wholeheartedly, and with arms thrown wide open, embrace version 2.8, knowing my Glindas will be there to catch me when my system crashes from too many upgrades or when my body rejects the grafted-in transplants of this ever-changing existence.

To Glindas everywhere, I ♥ you! You do a vital, life-sustaining work! Thank you for being so good at it!


Kimberly said...

Good grief you're brilliant. I think I've decided to like you anyway though.

Perfect analogy. I've pondered a lot this last year about what I call "Motherhood and Me-dom", trying to find that balance between being a mom and being a me. No one told me that I didn't have to give up myself in order to become a mom...I don't know why, but I really thought that was one of the requirements.

I've learned differently now and am so much happier for it. Holding onto the things that define me; music, literature, good hanging with my gal pals time...helps keep me sane and stable. Qualities that while not necessary, are good for a mom to have!

Brilliant post, Nichole!

The MomBabe said...

yes, yes, yes. Women need women friends. Although, if I'm going to be Glinda, I'd rather do it in Cinderella's dress....

hayngrl101 said...

Yes, yes, brilliant post.

Rest assured, when the day comes that you need GNO, you'll know it. Until then, you're prolly safe to just stick with hub...

I think the best thing that I've gotten out of GNO/women friends is that comparing notes on a variety of issues has shed light on something: My experiences and frustrations are NOT my own, nor are they unique. THere ARE other women out there that share the same struggles, ideals, frustrations, and neuroses with me. So I'm not just a freak after all. Go figure... :)

Celia Fae said...

I'm so glad this was the starter. Pictures, cultural references, women's issues, terrific.

I dunno, my husband really enjoys dissecting every detail of conversations with me, discussing my female body woes, and talking about what everyone else is wearing.

What gets me is when women think their husbands should be their best friends, and then they get mad at them because the husbands aren't doing it right. Husbands aren't girlfriends. Never have been, never will be. We are provided with a multitude of people in our lives and hopefully each can fill a different need.

Trina said...

me... speechless? not till now- i LOVE this blog!!

JustRandi said...

Love this! I've often thought the same thing about being with my husband. But I do love my Glenda's.
You have great insight!

heather said...

Oh are so right. Women NEED other women, we love our hubbies, but there are some emotional depths and vistas that they just can't travel to. The "Good Glindas" in my life continue to be more and more appreciated as I get older. I'll be a Glinda!