Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Regret

In the last year, I posted some personal anecdotes about a family member who got mad at me (and my hub) and some contention that we had experienced as a result. The issue at the center of discord was basically lack of parenting (or from my perspective, judgments on my parenting skills from a nonparent).

Then I updated that all was ok. I think I might have updated that they were expecting arrival of their first child.

I THOUGHT about updating back in August that the happy couple learned that they were expecting twins.

Finally in October, I seriously thought about updating yet again and telling you that my beloved brother and his wife were expecting their first child(ren), twin boys.

The boys arrived in February. Oh happy day. None could find more proud parents than my brother and his wife. They eventually made it home after having a c-section delivery.

Three short weeks into parenthood, my sister-in-law passed away. In the wake, she left my devastated brother and two infant children.

Words cannot express the regret and sorrow that I carry each day. I wish I had made more of an effort to be a friend and a sister. I wish I had been more patient in the last year. I wish I had said more kind words. I wish I had forced myself on them so that they could have gotten to know me better and realize that I'm a regular ol' nonintimidating person. With everyday human failures.

I wish I had expressed my love and care and friendship with her. So that she could have known. And perhaps the ultimate outcome could have been different.

4 comments:

the MomBabe said...

Oh honey, that's my worst nightmare! How's your brother holding up?

susette said...

I'm coming over from Mormon Mommy Blogs, asking for your help. I am in the running for a round trip airfare paid ticket to Connecticut, to meet a friend I became acquainted with through blogging. She is a super fun person and is holding this contest. I entered a funny story titled "Grapejuice Floaties, Now Marry Me." The person whose story receives the most votes will win a trip to meet this generous lady, whom I'm hoping to meet. The voting ends tonight-midnight. I used to be ahead but there is a story coming up from behind out of nowhere, and it's a tight race now. I would so much appreciate your help. Her blog is www.becausemomsaidso.blogspot.com and the voting is on the sidebar on the right. "Grapejuice, Floaties" Just go there and cast a vote for me, please. Thanks so much-you're awesome! ♥♥

Yamile said...

That's so sad ... your poor brother.

LarryG said...

having lost my wife of 19+ years and she only 42 (cancer) - I believe they know and are at peace and the primary emotion (if there is one) is love for those left behind and it is up to us to live admirably from this day fwd.
Peace to you friend. I am sorry y'all lost someone so near and dear!